Friday, July 13, 2012

Slipping

Life is slipping away from me.  Right now someone I love is in ICU due to a lifetime of self neglect.  She would gladly let go of anything that tethers her to this place regardless of the love I, or anyone else, holds for her.  Her own years of martyrdom have led her to this place and the prospect of meeting Jesus is more appealing to her than what life after this holds.

I am angry.
I am disappointed.
I am helpless.
I am slipping sideways trying to find another point of view.

Right now someone I love has become the world's greatest nasal snowboarder.  They think them self sly and think me blind.  I am not supposed to notice.  They have stolen.  They have been careless with my safety.  They have avoided accountability.   They will not change.  And I am supposed to sit by and watch it happen with no comment because comment would equal judgement.

I am angry.
I am disappointed.
I am disconnecting.
I am slipping away from the wake of their destruction.

Right now someone I love feels overwhelmed.  She can't imagine what is next and is always in survival mode.  She has no plan for the future and is just trying to get through today.  She is like a dirty firefly, dim light where the was once a tiny spark of illuminated miracle floating midair.  She keeps shooting up flares, shooting stars, shooting off her mouth.  She tried to lift her feet to move but they are stuck.

I am angry.
I am disappointed.
I am discouraged.
I am slipping quietly into the night to cry alone.

2 comments:

  1. There is melancholy in your words as they scroll down the computer screen. Your lyrics are beautiful, touching, and full of sadness. All you can do is continue to be a good friend, pray, and carry on. I love and miss you Niki. I hope you are taking care of yourself.

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  2. I am trying to remember to take care of me thank you for being here. I miss you too. why do we keep missing each other anddo nothing to change it?

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